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Spiderman
Spiderman is a superhero from New York, or at least that’s what they want You to think. There have actually been more than one Spiderman throughout the history of YouTube Poop World. They all got their powers from a radioactive spider created by Dr. Ivo Robotnik (except for Spiderham who was directly engineered to have spider-based superpowers). The Original Spiderman Back in 1964, Dr. Robotnik, who was only 12 at the time, started exposing spiders to lethal amounts of radiation because someone told him that radiation didn’t create superpowers, which Robotnik saw as a challenge. Although most of the thousands of spiders died, one spider actually did get super powers (apparently becoming strong enough to lift a nine pound bowling). Dr. Robotnik kept the spider as a pet, but a month later, he lost it while on a trip to New York. Robotnik soon remarked he could just make another one (which he later did). In April 1967, a 16-year-old social outcast was bitten by this radioactive spider, and this gave him super powers. He became very physically fit and gained the powers to shoot strings of spider web (which are strong enough to carry 500 pounds as long as they’re still attached to his hand) and climb up walls (which means he can chase after a bus going up at a 90 degree angle). However, the spider bite also affected his brain and caused him to stop being such a nerd. Instead, he became a jerk who would argue with total strangers at the tip of a hat (usually over nonsense). He decided to call himself “Spiderman” and fight crime for the rest of his life. There was also that time he killed a man because the individual had made a hand gesture of a gun at him, which he misinterpreted as an actual handgun. He remarked “I hope nobody saw me kill this guy” despite being in a public park in broad daylight with dozens of eye witnesses. Oddly enough, nobody bothered reporting this event to the police, even after the body began rotting away in the following months. In December 1979, Spiderman died of skin cancer brought on by the radioactive spider bite. He spent his final moments watching porn. True Identity No one remembers Spiderman’s actual name because once he donned the costume and began fighting crime, he stopped attending school and abandoned his previous life for some reason. Apparently, his name was Dick Pucker Jr., but everyone started calling him JR after his parents cut back on the heroin pills. (No, his father was not named Dick Pucker, Sr.) Other Spiderpeople Robotnik didn’t find out about Spiderman until 1990. When he did, he decided to make three new radioactive spiders to give himself superpowers. Unfortunately for him, his crazy cousin Warpnik mailed them to three different places purely because he wanted to see what would happen if he did. Unfortunately for Robotnik, the radioactive material he exposed the spiders to had become very expensive and very hard to come by, so he moved on to new pursuits. Peter Parker Peter Parker was bitten by the radioactive spider in 1998. He became a crime fighter but eventually started whoring out the Spiderman brand as much as possible. He even invested in a spider-themed restaurant (which did horribly for obvious reasons). Since he wasn’t immature like the previous Spiderman, he was actually heralded as a hero a lot more often. Gwen Stacy Gwen Stacy (born November 23, 1986), a human living in “City Escape Zone,” Mobius was the first female to be bitten by one of the spiders (which are apparently very long-lived despite being radioactive) in 2005. She was much more successful at fighting crime than the original Spiderman, but unlike Peter Parker, she didn’t whore herself out with endorsements. This is partially because in January 2007, her best friend was killed. In reality, her best friend was a clone made from Peter Parker’s DNA (before the spider mutation), and he had simply hit his expiration date (a side effect of lower-quality cloning). She went into a deep depression in which she didn’t have any friends, but she got better with therapy in 2011. Her final push to get help was when she died before doctors were able to revive her. Peni Parker Peni Parker (born March 4, 2000), a little Japanese anime girl, was bitten by the third and final radioactive spider in the year 2012. Unlike the other Spiderpeople, she didn’t immediately kill the spider and instead befriended it and even sprayed it with the special “lifelong lasting spray” invented by Dr. Doofenshmirtz. She and the spider share a mech suit together and use it to fight crime in Japan. This is because Peni is lazy and doesn’t feel like using her spider powers. Also, her father was killed by a lunatic who committed the crime for no reason. Peter Porker Having seen the success of Peter Parker, Gwen Stacy, and Peni Parker, a businessman in Austripoff decided to create a Spiderperson of their own to promote tourism of the country. In 2014, he hired researchers from around the world (though mostly Austripoff) to develop such a knock-off Spiderman; unfortunately, the head researcher didn’t speak English and misinterpreted this task as a mission to engineer a "Spiderpig" since "pig" and “man” were homonyms in her native language. This resulted in a Mobian pig named “Peter Porker” to become “Spiderham.” He usually fights criminals with hammers, which is very inefficient and results in most of the bad guys getting away, despite Porker claiming otherwise. Scholars believe that Spiderham is actually more deranged than the original Spiderman, or at the very least the most incompetent Spiderperson. Trivia *One of the newspaper editors requesting pictures of the original Spiderman looked an awful lot like Adolf Hitler. Sometime after Spiderman’s death, he was put on trial for this. He was eventually released, and Shrek later proved with science that the man wasn’t actually Hitler and that people shouldn’t have asked him for autographs. *The original Spiderman and Dr. Robotnik were roughly the same age, but if You think that’s more than a coincidence, You need to GTFO. *Peni Parker has an American last name for a reason that has existed since time immemorial. Unfortunately, it’s so old that it employs a form of logic that is no longer properly understood, though a scientist at Wumbo University claims to have briefly figured it out with the help of hallucinogenic drugs. Category:Characters Category:Superheroes Category:Funny Characters Category:Males Category:Humans Category:RISD Category:Marvel Characters